Oh, California Department of Justice (DOJ), you absolute legends of procrastination, you’ve done it again! It’s 2025, and your Assault Weapons Identification Guide—that dusty relic from November 2001—is still the belle of the ball, strutting its stuff on your website like a time traveler who forgot the future exists. With a cheeky note proclaiming it’s “currently under revision” since, oh, at least 2020, you’ve had the audacity to keep this 24-year-old PDF front and center, untouched by progress, unbothered by major amendments to the Assault Weapons Control Act (AWCA). Let’s unpack this comedic masterpiece of bureaucratic inertia, shall we?
Penal Code § 31115 is crystal clear: the DOJ shall—not might, not if they feel like it—conduct a public education and notification program about assault weapon registration and definitions. This isn’t a casual invite to a potluck; it’s a legal mandate to keep the public, cops, and gun dealers in the know about what makes certain firearms illegal. The 2001 guide was a noble stab at this, with its charming photos of Uzis and MAC-10s, like a gun enthusiast’s yearbook. It covered Categories 1, 2, and 3 assault weapons, from Roberti-Roos to SB 23’s generic characteristics. But here’s the kicker: the world didn’t freeze in 2001, despite what the DOJ’s website seems to believe.
Since then, the AWCA has been jazzed up multiple times. We’ve got bullet buttons outlawed and “Other” assault weapons (because apparently guns can identify as miscellaneous). More importantly, the DOJ has substantially revised its regulations over the years, defining many key features. Yet, the DOJ’s guide? It’s stuck in a time warp, blissfully unaware of these plot twists. Penal Code § 31115 screams for updated education, and while the DOJ sprinkles FAQs on its website like digital confetti, leaving the guide to gather virtual cobwebs is like serving a 24-year-old Twinkie and calling it dessert.
Now, let’s talk about the DOJ’s Oscar-worthy hubris. In 2020, they slapped a note on the guide: “Please note: This Assault Weapon Identification Guide was last updated in 2001, and does not contain the most up-to-date assault weapon identification information. The Assault Weapon Identification Guide is currently under revision.” Currently under revision. Oh, how optimistic! It’s like saying, “I’m currently training for the Olympics,” because every once in a while, I think about exercising. Fast forward to 2025—five years later—and the guide is still “under revision,” like a sitcom that’s been “coming soon” since dial-up was cool. George R.R. Martin would be proud.
This isn’t just laziness; it’s performance art. The DOJ, with the swagger of a teenager promising to clean their room “tomorrow,” keeps this note up, taunting us with the promise of a shiny new guide that never arrives. Meanwhile, the 2001 version sits there, proudly listing registration deadlines (March 31, 1992, anyone?) that expired years before Myspace was a thing. It’s like the DOJ is saying, “Sure, the law’s changed, but who needs a guide when you’ve got nostalgia?”
Why does this matter? Because the guide’s supposed to help cops, dealers, and regular folks spot assault weapons without playing a deadly game of “Guess Who.” Without updates, it’s like using a 2001 flip phone to navigate Google Maps. Imagine a rookie officer flipping through the guide, looking for “Other” assault weapons (added in 2020), only to find… crickets. The DOJ’s website has FAQs and regulations, sure, but they’re scattered like Easter eggs, not consolidated like the guide’s handy (if outdated) format. This isn’t just inconvenient; it’s a public safety plot hole.
The Harrott v. County of Kings (2001) ruling already called out the DOJ for dragging its feet on updating the Category 2 list, and here we are, 24 years later, watching history repeat itself like a bad rom-com sequel. The DOJ’s got the resources—CFARS, a fancy website, a Bureau of Firearms with a phone number (916-227-3703, call them, I dare you). Yet, they’ve chosen to let the guide languish, a monument to bureaucratic “we’ll get to it” energy.
So, what’s the DOJ’s excuse? Are they too busy binge-watching defending unconstitutional laws to update 90 pages? Is the revision team stuck in a 24-year coffee break? Or do they think Californians love the retro vibe of a guide that doesn’t know what a 3D-printed gun is? Whatever the reason, it’s time to hold the DOJ accountable—or at least mock them into action.
Here’s the plan, folks:
The California DOJ’s failure to update the Assault Weapons Identification Guide is a masterclass in bureaucratic comedy. Penal Code § 31115 demands public education, but the DOJ’s serving us a 2001 rerun with a side of “under revision” sass. Five years after their 2020 promise, and 24 years since the guide’s debut, it’s time for the DOJ to ditch the hubris, dust off the keyboard, and give us a guide that knows what century we’re in. Until then, we’ll keep laughing, because in California, even the law comes with a punchline.